The Purpose Of Being Single

By Fred Eche-ofun Egba

I have often wondered why young men and young women seem to be in hurry to get married as if been single is a crime and getting married is the ultimate in life. There is one thing we need to understand here; life is in phases and every phase of life is given to us for adventure. It is therefore pertinent for us to maximize our time at every level of life that we find ourselves. That is why I said that single-hood is not a disease nor is it a curse as some people believe. I believe the phase of single-hood is the period where we mould our character for the next phase-our marital life. It is during this time that we develop our values and moral principle and build up our philosophy for life. It is the season of discovery, where we get to really know who we are. It is when we seen visions of the future and begin to pursue it and put strategy in place as to how to realize our dreams.

The truth is this: there are certain things that if you don't get round doing them at the phase when you are single, don't think it would be easier on you when you got married. You wake up, lets say, as a single person 10am every morning; don't expect that you will change over the night when you get married. You have already cultivated that habit and it is a lot easier to cultivate a habit than to break it. Of course nobody will tolerate someone who wakes up at such a time. Maybe yours is to leave litters in your wake everywhere and you couldn't see that the place is untidy until someone told you. That alone could create a problem for you in that marriage you want to rush into.

So there is a need to watch your life when you are single. There is a purpose for it. It is the period you sit and think. You decide your marital future at this stage. Some people don't even take time to prepare themselves for their future. They just live their lives gambling, whatever it is that come goes. So they gather a lot of garbage along the way and don't care to filter them. They go into that relationship with all the garbage and come out in catastrophe. You have got to settle down and programme yourself for your tomorrow, if it must be anything you must enjoy. 

Somebody said to me the other day she wants to get married to a God fearing man and he should be caring and she gave a list of other qualities she wanted in a man. I asked her if she had some good qualities herself and how has she worked herself to prepare for married life. Obviously, from the way she responded I knew she was taken aback by the question. You want your man/woman to be good while you are not, that is an irony. How does that fit? You see, you cannot have the worse character and not pay attention to it now and you think everything would be alright when you get married, that is if you find someone who would accept you with your kind of character. Someone complained that he doesn't know why his girls break up with him easily. I told him to run a check on his person and correct what the problem was. He found out he was a penny-pinching and self centered individual. That was the problem, you cannot love without giving. He did correct that anomaly and some other discoveries he made about himself, and today he is in a happy fruitful relationship. The question is: how are you treating your single-hood? Do you see it as a disease that you need to deal with by getting married? Or do you see it as a phase of preparations for a better future. Make sure you maximize your single-hood. It is not a crime to be single.

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POWER OVER YOUR MOOD

 Your feeling is something that you are confronted with everyday. Sometimes you feel good and sometimes for no reasonable explanation you wake up one morning feeling grumpy and you go through the day with that ill tempered feeling, leaving everybody to wonder why you carry along the way you do. Sometimes we call it waking up on the wrong side of the bed. If you find out you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, you can easily correct that.  Go back to bed and wake up on the right side.

Your feeling is subject to your decision. There is no one who has power over your feeling like you do. Don’t allow anything decide your mood negatively. No matter what went wrong decide to remain in the best of mood. Sometimes it is not easy to maintain your cool when things went awry. You would want to scream your head off or fly off the handle in extreme cases. And most of the time we tell ourselves that we just couldn’t help it. But the truth is this, you can help it. You can be a master over your emotion.

You are meant to control your emotion and not the other way round. One thing I have discovered about foul mood is that it fouls everything around you.

Your feeling can take so much from you and it can also add so much to your life. Negative emotions take away from you while positive feeling energizes you. You will accomplish much when you are on a high plane of enthusiasm than when you are in the valley of sadness. What you lose in a split seconds of negative display of emotion is usually enormous. It will take a longer time to restore it and in extreme cases the damage would be permanent. Take for instance, in one moment of anger you could do something that you will regret for the rest of your life. The Sacred Book of Wisdom Opine, “Be angry, but don’t allow your anger lead you to sin.”

Bitterness, hatred, depression are all negative emotions that are harmful when you indulge in them.No wonder the greatest book of Wisdom says not to allow the root of bitterness spring up lest many be defiled. And it takes much to indulge in negative feelings than in positive emotions. In my own opinion it takes less to love than to hate. It takes less to forgive than to live in bitterness. It takes less to be happy than to be depressed and sad. It takes so much energy to frown than to put a smile on your face. So it is wisdom to go for what takes less yet highly productive than to go for what takes much but destructive.

You must make a decision to determine your mood. Don’t allow circumstances decide them for you. And this begins in the morning when you wake up. The psalmist puts it this way in the Ancient Book of Wisdom, "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad..." Don’t allow the fact that you were hurt by someone keep you in perpetual gloom. No one is worth having such power over your life. You will have to make a choice to feel right and good in spite of the hurt. It is your right to feel good. Even though you have no inclination to feel good, just feel good anyway. Don’t allow anyone or anything take that away from you. You are the master of your own emotion.

Fred Egba

THE CRISES OF THE AGE

A life of comfort never comes to those who just sit down with crossed legs; it is something you must be willing to work for.

All that Tunde has ever done in life was to live in the perimeter of wishes and the pathetic thing about this kind of life is that wishes would never put a beggar on the back of a horse. Tired of the way he was living, Tunde decided to break out of the cocoon of illusory wishes that has never taken him beyond where he had been for several years. He wants the status of his life to change. And so he made up his mind that it was time to seek solution, so that his stagnation, failures and poverty would become the specter of the past.

He approached a wise man that was compassionate enough to open his mind to certain truth about life and the way He has been living.

THE WISDOM.

“Tunde, I have known you for several years now and I am going to be frank with you, since you have come to me to seek help. Let us begin at this point: Your greatest problem in life is that you have been seeking for some shortcuts to the kind of life that you desire. Whatever is worth the while in life does not come through that way. You need to understand that what you don’t patiently work for in this life will never come to you, in the measure that you desire and it will be forever elusive to you. An easy life is worked for. It is something you earn through the process of time.”

He stopped to look at Tunde if he was following. Having satisfied himself that Tunde was following from the expression on his face, he continued.

“If you want the good life, you must take the responsibility of creating it. Sitting down and hoping that some day some kind of fortune would fall into your lap from the blues is to live in deception. It is written in the Sacred Book of Wisdom thus: ‘Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.’ This is a very huge responsibility placed on you. Tunde, you destiny is in your hand. And you must understand that all that you need to create a comfortable life for yourself and others around you have already been made available to you through the vast resources of life that can be found everywhere.”

Tunde’s face was a mask of contemplation as he listened to the words of the wise man.

“My greatest problem with this generation is that we don’t want to work for anything. We want to wave a magic wand and let things happened on their own and fast too. You need to know that the reward of labour comes through diligence. ‘A man who is diligent in his business will stand before kings and not before men of low estate’ says the Sacred Book of Wisdom.

Life is in phases, my friend. Learn to work with each phase you find yourself. Don’t get caught in the crises of impatience. It has destroyed many lives. Those who have pursued shortcuts have had their lives cut short. There is nothing like overnight success. It only happens over time.”

The wise man adjusted himself and post a question to Tunde.

“Tunde, do you get admitted into school in one day and graduate the next day.”

Tunde shook his head. It was as an absolute impossibility.

“Life does not start at the top. It begins from somewhere. Even the earth was not created in one day. It took God some time to put together everything you see today. Although it is stated that it took six days for God to complete the work of the earth, I believe it took him six thousand years. You know why? A thousand years is like a day to Him. Do you now understand the mathematics?”

Tunde’s face registered his surprise.

“Well, I’m just trying to let you know that nothing really comes cheap. You work and pay a price for it. What you see around me today is not a product of just one day. It took some hard work and patience to get to where I am today. And that is the way I’m showing you. Take one step at a time and keep putting one foot forward and you will get to your desired destination.”

Tunde sighed.

The words of the wise man are true. He thought about his own life. He has never been the patient type. He made up his mind that no matter what happen, he would take responsibility for his life. The world does not have respect for mediocrity. He would start from somewhere. Though the steps are small now, he believes it will result into a giant leap later. 

 Fred Egba

THE SECRET OF LIFE EXPOSED

The world we live in is an ancient world created by ancient wisdom that is still fresh and as new as ever. I have come to discover that to successfully live in this world you must continually have an interaction with Ancient wisdom, because it is through this that the world evolved. Life is a complex mystery that you need a relationship with the Wisdom by whom the world was created to be able to unravel this mystery called life. until this is done you will live and be lost in a world that is full of great opportunities, where you can express yourself in whatever way you can. That at least is one of the power Ancient Wisdom has bestowed on you, as a complex creature of choice. You are created by choice not by compulsion, to live by choice. The way you choose to live would determine your end result.

If the ancient man had paid undivided attention to the wisdom of the Ancient, life would have been a merry glory. If the ancient man created for himself a life of hardship through misinformed wisdom of the evil one, you that is in this modern age can live a transmogrified life having schooled yourself in the mystic secret contained in the Sacred Book of Wisdom.

This wisdom is the principal thing. It has the capacity to make a principality out of you. Some of the greatest giants in time past and in time present treaded on this wisdom of the Ancient to carve a niche for themselves in the world today.

My greatest joy is that this wisdom is available to all and it is not an exclusive preserve of few. I will like for you to follow me as we explore the world of Ancient Wisdom, the reality of her power and what she can do. (This is what this blog is all about. To bring to us the principles of living as posited by Ancient wisdom).

When you come in contact with the wisdom of the Ancient you will become a mystery and wonder to behold. It was said concerning the greatest man that ever lived-JESUS, 'what wisdom is this?' Suffice it to say that he was the practical manifestation of Anciet Wisdom.

Friends, this wisdom of the ancient beats the worth of anything of value that has ever been in existence or that is in existence today. And there will never be any such things that would ever be compared to her worth in the future.

If there is anything you must pursue vigourously, its not money, cars, material wealth but wisdom. If it took wisdom for everything created to be, then the wisdom of the Ancient is what you need to create and to recreate your life. Go for the wisdom of the Ancient.

Fred Egba